O Sweet Baby Jesus,

You never grew up.  Why must I?

Yours,
Befuddled Back East

My Child,

Oh, Befuddled. You ARE confused. Did you ever read past My miraculous birth and youth in the Gospels? Because, if you had, you would know that I did grow up. I grew up, preached my message of love and acceptance and was consequently beaten and brutally killed by my own people.

But I’ve found that image can be distracting to those Dad blessed with weak stomachs. Because I’m not really in the business of freaking people out these days, I like to leave My inquisitive followers with the image of an innocent, yet wise child poised to answer their questions. It seems less judgy, no?

So, Befuddled, I grew up and so must you. Why? Because if no one grew up, this world would be run by children. Dad would be better off if He handed the Earth over to chimpanzees. Children are tiny, and they have tiny brains. Their wee heads need to expand before they can house common sense. Dad loves kids, but He’s never really been able to perfect that glitch so He just labeled the tendency to throw tantrums and eat insects childlike spirit and called it a day.

If what you’re really asking me is why you have to get a job, the answer is simple, My Child. You may not want to work. But since you have a computer and possess solid spelling and grammar skills, my guess (ha!) is that you’re fairly privileged. Dad has blessed you with the opportunity to make a living for yourself and your family. Now, whether you can find a job in this crushing economic situation you humans have created is another question entirely. Frankly, that’s not Dad’s problem. You’d still be operating on the barter system if He had anything to say about it.

So buck up, find gainful employment and stop crashing on your mom’s sofa. She’s sick of it; she told Me. If wearing a tie really bothers you that much, why not take steps to maintain some of your childlike spirit? I know a cask of wine always did it for us back in the desert. Just don’t forget all your adult inclinations. No one likes a pants wetter.